Tuesday, October 27, 2009

on the shoulders

these past years
now 27
i have
never
I hope
ignored denied
a single plea
for help
that I knew
sometimes
the codebook
is not at the ready
sentences are
cryptic
uneven
halting
the language of pain
spat through
yellowed teeth
from a bile
that is generations
long
deep
somehow
these old bastards
struck gold
shut up
long enough
for the
Master to whisper
harsh magic
then
through
non scientific trial and error
gave forth something
which allowed
people to stop
killing themselves and others

slowly

I cannot transmit this secret
as it were
any other way
save by living
oft times I wanted
to shout it in some poor fuckers
soul
just to stop their pain

so eviscerating
to try to help before
I am asked
and
of course
that simply doesn't work
I see them
though
those folks
who havent
didnt
make it
I know each time
someone falls it
diminishes all
and know that the priviledge
I have is
the gift to live
and each day
despite myself
i have to learn
to be more generous
more compassionate
more loving
in returning it
to it's source


Monday, October 26, 2009

the church of money

I see where an old Espiscopal church is being converted into a shopping mall and restaurants on the lower east side. How absolutely perfect! Instead of a shelter for battered women, a half way house or something, you know, Christian, it is being converted to the true one and only american god, MONEY.Everything about this is so rotten, so obscene, I thought there would be a hue and cry,however, as we know, it does not work that way. I found this story, along with its "chic",ultra "hip" architect so repulsive I was beginning to gag.The business of america is business...recieved a "christian" catalogue in the mail on Thursday, offered were genuine crown of thorns for only 19.95. I kid you not.All I could think of was Clarence Jordan,and his comment on a preacher extolling his new 25000 dollars cross atop his church.Jordan said"brother you've been ripped off. Time was a Christian could get one of those for free." amen

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

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Jack Kerouac

Jack Kerouac, arguably the most influential post war writer in america,died a lonely,terrible alcoholic death 40 years ago today in St Petersburg ,Florida,after throwing up his bleeding inards for hours.He was 47.The child of French Canadian parents,The author of numerous novels, short fiction, diaries and poetry, he is today ,of course, best remembered for his seminal novel, on the road,which defined him and helped to kill him.That novel, two years ago re-issued as its "original scroll'{the original scroll itself, a roll of teletype paper which James Irsay of the colts bought for over 2 million dollars} is far more detailed, sexually explicit and whole than the truncated version unleashed on the public in 1957.Kerouac reputation faded as he slid further into alcoholic madness.He became an anti semite, a right wing flag waver, and detested the "movement' many believed he had spawned[though its origins are more complicated,certainly].Kerouac was always of a certain conservative bent, he was deeply,profoundly influenced by his Roman Catholicism[despite his Buddhist leanings in the 1950's,which included two books about buddism,three if you count the dharma bums]His diaries and letters reveal someone else, shy, gentle, horrified by violence[his wwII merchant marine vessel was sunk while he was ashore, all hands lost, which haunted him endlessly] someone who despite his reputation, crafted slowly with many revisions. He was always looking out for the street people, the bum the wino, the dope fiend the homeless guy,the guy with a shot and a beer at the bar playing the sixth race at belmont. More so then many of his contemporaries [who despite being born working class, made sure they avoided it]Kerouac was in many ways the same kid who left Lowell ,Mass.for a scholarship at Columbia University,the same kid who had played high school football against Leonard Bernstein[they were friends.small world], and run into his alter ego, Neal Cassady years after. Cassady's influence on Jack, as jack shared his autodidact world with Neal and Neal revealed the underside of the dream to Jack, the junkies, hookers, pimps gamblers and drunks that made up the road. Criminally under appreciated in his own life, Kerouac's prose is deceptively simple, and delicate.His vision of salvation through suffering, not by overcoming it but by accepting that it is suffering, is only matched in vision by Dostoevsky.Yes, Fyodor Dostoevsky who until the 1930's was considered a provincial Russian hack writer, a reactionary and anti semite overwhelmed with guilt and religious themes. Sound Familiar. Now, Dostoevsky was certainly a better writer[as Blake was a better poet than Whitman, without denigrating eithers talent],it's the message that I find interesting in comparison to Kerouac. Perhaps one day Kerouacs literary reputation will meet the heights it deserves.Until then, we have thse odd, wild, hopeful serious deadly funny books. The last to read should be Big Sur, which chronicles hKerouac's decent into alcholic madness. Having actually had the D.T's myself, I can tell you the description is pitch perfect, and scary as h-e-l-l. The alcoholic hangover is rendered in all of it's terror[once I heard an alcoholic hangover as this:You wake up and are afraid you are going to die. Ten minutes later you are afraid you are going to live}Big Sur is probably his last great work. Read the On The Road-Dharma Bums-Lonesome Traveler-Tristessa-Desolation Angels books first. Try the poems, especially mexico city blues.Then go for the diaries.It's worth the time, and the rewards are many.Rest in peace, Ti` Jean[little jean or Jack, his nickname which is on his tombstone].And thanks for the gifts.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

26 years

26 years ago
that's over 9500 days
we took a chance
we lifted a finger towards convention
and fate
we said yes
i hope
with all my burning soul
and loins
that this is true
we toasted with
Perrier
and Blood oranges
and the next day
ate lobster and
watched the mets
between our toes

almost 10000 days have come
{ and it feels like that many Met losses}
that sounds more epic
and the only

difference
that matters
despite times that are hard
cold
uneven
times that are raw
that cut and scrape
times that are soft
like a babies dream

is how much more I want you '
love you care for you
today and


the next day

Friday, October 16, 2009

cold cold day

Listening to Ingram Marshall's kingdom come.brilliant. Reading Karl Barth's essay's.Barth is a dangerous man, he took the Gospels seriously,knowing, like Dan Berrigan said, if you want to follow Jesus, you better look good on wood.Barth is so cogent, so insightful, i find myself reading and re-reading passages{, not simply because of knotty prose,} for their context,their genuine wonder.Like his Swiss mate Urs von Balthazar, Barth found the beauty at the centre .I am humbled by his output.I reckon this is what is referred to as genius.

Monday, October 12, 2009

absent

sentiment fails
always
treacle rots
sometimes
gone now

gone now

what is difficult
still
is your absence

Friday, October 9, 2009

peace

The Noble Peace Prize
won by Barack Obama
Kissinger smiling

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Flags in church

Since I was a boy, I have wondered of the placing of flags on the altar space. The flags of the USA and the Vatican are proudly displayed in every catholic church I have attended[in the us].Why is the question?The obvious answer is that catholics were always viewed as second citizens,with their primary allegiance to the Holy See. So they felt the need to out patriot the wasps and whomever else,and started putting the flag on the altar. My objection is that it is a secular sign, and has no place there[neither does the flag of the Vatican]and is in itself a form of idolatry.In Truth, Christians have no allegiance to ANY EARTHLY POWER. That is not to condone lawlessness,for we do have a law to follow. Jesus Himself is the law,His Ethics are OUR ethics,and we need no other law to abide. After the horror of the attacks downtown 8 years ago, the churches were filled for one week, a cop made a fortune singing the Star Spangled Banner at functions[and hideously, at church] then most folks not directly affected turned their hopes and expectations to POLITICS, and well, the rest is history.And noise. And tears. I think we need to reclaim our voice as Catholics/Christians by affirming our adherence to the Gospel,not the so called patriot act. THAT is something to sing about